Monday Memories #11 #FixThePlus

My first child was born at the Desert Hospital. I was in labor 16 hours with her. The whole time no drugs. I wanted natural and that was that.Unfortunately, at the end of all that time, I had become weak and not pushing wasn't an option anymore for I had only dilated to a four and you have to go to ten, the baby wasn't waiting anymore! 

My doctor made the call for a C-Section; I freaked and the last thing I remember is a white mask being put over my face. Next I'm being woken up by a nurse saying “Mrs. Barker you had a baby girl” and me all groggy telling her I did not! Then there she was my sweet baby girl.

They ended up keeping her though releasing me thinking she had jaundice and I was determined to breastfeed so for four days I went back and forth to the hospital every four hours until the nurses convinced me to sleep the night and they would give her a bottle at night so I could rest. 

I was so tired with dark circles under my eyes I looked like a heroin addict! Finally, I was able to bring her home which made me really happy.

When she had troubles sleeping me and my husband would take Amy out for a drive and it worked every time.

We lasted three years together and I don't regret being with him, but he just wasn't husband material, but he wasn't my last mistake. The lesson here was don't rebound to a guy to get over another guy to avoid the heartache pain which really really hurts.

So I remember a blonde headed free-spirited, laughing beautiful child of four and the last I saw of her was her face looking out the back window waving. It hurts to this day and still makes me cry which is what I am ready to do now.

Nothing will ever erase the pain of missing out on raising your child because of mistakes in choices that I made. Her birthday is the 21st of June, this month as a matter of fact. I have tried to find her all the while my heart beating wildly at the thought she may not want me to find her.

I have hit dead-end after dead-end but maybe someday....

Another Year Older

Today is my Birthday.
57 years ago the world got to be a happier place with me in it. Like my husband often says, "Ask her, she'll tell ya".

Since being the night owls that we are 1 second after midnight, life magically became my birthday. You can almost see those magically fused little B-Day fairies flying around the room. They kinda follow you everywhere.

As promised Husband made my requested Angel Food cake. I had gone all out and skipped the .99 cheapo cake mixes and splurged on the more expensive cake mix. Duncan Hines and I were going to be reunited after a long separation.

A can of cherries and Kool-Whip were waiting in the wings. Now you're going to find out husband does not cook or bake. He can grill and microwave, maybe boil water. But he can read directions.

I'm in the bedroom as pre-requested so that I don't have to fight that urge to help because the husband is ready to go solo on this one. I've got Candyman on Netflix, headphones cranked and proceed to ignore. What's that old show, now I remember, Hogan's Heros with that german guy quipping, "I know nothing!".

A few minutes later husband pops his head in, I lift one side of my headphone and he tells me the first instruction, please use clean utensils while making the cake. I replied that I was glad I had washed up all the utensils, we laugh, he disappears into the kitchen.

Even with that old oven mitt that if you hang on to anything hot for too long will burn your hand, (but it has a kitten on it) forgotten about how beaters will make cake batter fly all around the room, (oops mom-in-law had bought a hand beater) now it's my hand beater and a gas oven, the cake came out perfect.

I was impressed. Then I found out I had introvertly bought what should be shelved under Even your husband can bake this cake because this miracle of a cake mix you only had to add water. Thank-you husband. We have both made it another year.

I have compiled a list of past Birthdays that was a laugh.

1.) Tilted Birthday Cake- I had gotten a new stove that wasn't properly leveled. Taking the cake out I noticed one end of the sheet cake was 1 inch and the other end 3 inches.
2.) A HUGE boob cake made with 2 big mixing bowls. The birthday boy loved big boobs.
3.) A naughty (you boys know what I mean) bachelor party cake with blue frosting. When Mr. Bachelor good-naturedly took a big bite ( he had a big beard) I accused him of eating a Smurf.
4.) The time when I was blending chocolate cake mix and batter went flying everywhere. My daughter left and came back with a yellow raincoat on. 

I love stories so if you have a birthday story please do tell.

Happy Birthday To My Husband!

Today marks my husband's 52nd Birthday. Happy Birthday, Honey.

It is quite remarkable how we first met. I had been in several lousy relationships which had ended up with pain and lots of it. Emotional baggage which has taken years to unpack. Physical pain that women aren't supposed to know.

I fell in love easily, get hurt and again would end with a breakup. I would be heartbroken and knowing the routine of the breakup mourning process would drink beer or mixed drinks singing to loud music at the top of my lungs while my friends would come and just be there supporting my grief.

That is when 12 years ago I decided I had had enough. No more. I went off the rails a bit and started eating and eating thinking no one will look at me now reminding me of that movie with Goldie Hawn in it Death Becomes Her with her sitting in a big chair stuffing her face. I swore off smoking, drinking, men and sex, I was done.

Next I went to the library and plopped down on the counter to check out every self-help book I could get my hands on, went home and started to read. I became an expert on abusive and destructive relationships.

2 years went by. I was finally getting a little lonely. I got on my computer and logged into those Yahoo Profiles. I go by face after face of men and come up to this somewhat blurry picture of a man sitting on his couch wearing a baseball hat. I clicked on it, liked what I read, and messaged him on Yahoo Messenger.

We met and all summer went by. He had been in a horrible 12-year marriage that wasn't meant to be, I had my past, we chatted and laughed all summer. The most amazing thing was he was renting from his friend and only lived 3 blocks away. ~WoW

Next came the phone calls and then we met. I opened the door and looked into a nice handsome face with dark blue eyes just like mine and have been together ever since. He is the first overall person that has continuously made me laugh and he thinks I'm almost perfect, but the truth is we are perfect for each other.

Happy Birthday, Charles Rose. I love you and we will help each other finish out this lifetime with a lot of love and laughter.

Now I'm off to frost a delicious chocolate cake.