Monday Memories #8 #FixThePlus

 Continued from Monday Memories #7

Anyways back to the cutest guy in the whole wide world who has since passed may he R.I.P but that’s a whole different story. I remember talking my parents into letting me go on my first date at almost sixteen.

It was to the movies and hell if I can remember the movie, but it was me, Ricky, and his cousins. So holding my breath until he asked me to “go steady” with him we were right into each other. He really paid me a lot of attention and introduced me to Led Zeppelin's Stairway To Heaven which I learned every word.

We would have long make-out sessions to which was what teenagers did, but that was as far as that went. It was all and good, but my mother had to ruin it by insisting that he came over to my house and that was never a good idea.

We would meet up at the mall but mom made it harder and harder to see him and he finally broke up with me which broke my teenage heart. God the tears flowed and flowed and I blamed my mother. She had no trust in me at all. Maybe because she got pregnant with me, but she should have trusted me more.

I smile when telling this story about the one of two times I snuck a boy into my room. Of course, my parents came home early and if anyone outside the house was looking they would have seen a teenage boy jumping out my window! Here's what happened.

Me: "I can't believe it, my parents came home early"! As I shoved Rick into my closet I cranked up my music.When my parents got in the house my mother hollered for me to turn down my music.Me and Ricki: Freaking out saying Oh crap...alot.Me: Opening my window pushing the screen out telling Ricki to jump out helping him by pushing at his legs.

I have told this story a few times and when I told him which fences to jump over, he jumped over the wrong fence coming face to face with my backyard neighbor's Doberman. Needless to say, he yelled at me when he got home...oops!

 I look back at it today and can't help grinning at the craziness of that day. Anyways I and his cousins remained friends all through my 12th year and they were all in their 11th  year and that’s when at the ending of my 12th year me and the girls went on a 'manhunt'. I needed a date to the Prom...


You ever have a crazy teenage moment...or two?

In The End It Doesn't Even Matter

       

                                              

                   CHOOSING CHANGE 

When I first saw you I was enthralled with your blue eyes, your honesty, you were funny, worked hard and had an interesting past that aligned my own. For months, I tried to stay away only to be drawn back to you quickly leaving your vicinity. You were in my circle of friends so as time went by I slowly came to trust my fluttering heart feeling like a teenager again for the first time in a long time. Finally tiring of the tug-a-war of my heart and mind, I let my heart win and you became my lover.

In the beginning, we laughed, you were good with my children, helping my youngest with her homework which I didn't really understand, I thought maybe, just maybe you were 'the one'. I can stop searching. You made me feel like a queen but there was that one thing, your drinking. I thought I could ignore that for all the other good qualities would outweigh that.

You gave me money, you gave me fun, you protected me from harm, I finally fell in love. Three years we were wonderful together, you had landed a Taxi driving job, my future was secured. Then something happened. A slight change in the air, something was off, I couldn't quite put my finger on it, you started to change. We started to argue never sitting in the same room, I did things alone, what the heck had happened?

You had met a woman calling her a 'friend'. I said I believed you but I knew better. I was living waiting for that relationship ax to fall, it finally did. I had taken my kids and their friends to the movies to see Men In Black 2. I said good-bye to you, you grunted goodbye back. The movie was two hours long, then we all headed home. As I walked into an empty house little alarms in my head were going off. The quite felt final.

I called everyone I knew looking for him after a few hours had gone by. I knew what had happened but wanted verification. I didn't sleep at all that first night. I called my full-time job explaining what had happened. They gave me some time off. I called my 2nd part-time job, again, they also gave me some time off. Easter was a week away, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, all I did was cry. I listened to all the sad songs I had. That was the hardest Easter to get through I ever had. I was depressed and in deep mourning telling myself I will get through this, I know I will but it hurt so bad. My trusting heart was broken.

Adding insult to injury he had gotten into my little box of saved money, taking all but a few bucks. My world was crushed, I had been dumped, fooled by this man who had vehemently declared he would never do such a thing to a woman and her children. Try adding guilt on top of all the other feelings, I lost 20 lbs. 

My son saved the day when he printed out the lyrics to "In The End" by  Linkin Park. I played that song, loudly, over and over again with tears streaming down my face. I knew every word. Two weeks went by, I get a phone call. It was him! My heart just about jumped out of my chest. He kept apologizing claiming he would pay me back, every penny. I had been doing so well in my fight to get over him and I started to cry telling him sorry, it's too late as I hung up.

Three weeks I get a letter, from a prison. He had been incarcerated for a year for trying to walk out of a big grocery store with five hundred dollars worth of food. He told me it was Karma, I agreed to myself as I read on. He asked to come back but not because he needed a place, oh no, that wasn't it. The three weeks of break-up hell was still fresh in my mind as I read oh I thought to myself, no I don't think so and in return I sent him the lyrics from that song In The End.

Because in the end, it didn't really matter. That song saved my sanity.

I got the idea for writing this from all the reading I have been doing. I feel so refreshed and I hope this helps someone else who needs to know it will be okay.