Showing posts with label Lies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lies. Show all posts

Monday, June 27, 2016

Monday Memories #13 #FixThePlus

Continuing from last Memory Monday...



I was having a blast working on my boat then I became pregnant. Up until that morning, I was never sick. Well, I was now. I had woke up on one of our overnight trips ready to start cooking starting with the bacon and oh boy, my stomach rolled completely over causing me to run for the railing.

After that, I was fine working until the end of that summer then moved back home while I was pregnant. I was starting over again renting a studio apt. in Cathedral City, California.

My big thing was going over to Thrifty's where there was a small ice cream vendor with those big tubs of ice cream which I would have four different kinds of ice cream to make baby happy, at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I was becoming disenchanted with my husband, though. I was finding out he was what was called a Chronic Liar. He was shifty, lazy and a liar. That was the biggest thing, the lying. If you have someone like this in your life, best to get rid of them.

My mother was making one of her visits. This particular time let's see, I was around eight months. Mom comes in and despite my telling her that I was fine she went to the refrigerator to get some ice. That's about all there was besides a package of luncheon meat. Next thing I knew we were going grocery shopping with my mother muttering the whole time. It's kinda funny now.

After we made sandwiches she finally dropped some news on me. It was about my husband. She had seen him over at Jack-In-The-Box eating lunch with a co-worker. I was stunned not wanting to believe that. Of course, when he got home later he denied it all. I let it drop because no one really wants to think that the father of your baby would do such a thing.

That job he had was detailing cars which lasted about a week. He came home one day telling me he had a new job at J.C. Pennys as a stock person. I was over come with pride and happiness.  He was finally telling me the truth. Until my mother came over and my world was about to become shattered once again.

So mom comes over asking where my husband was? I told her at work of course. He had been leaving every day at the same time, coming home at the same time for around a week now. She didn't want to tell me but she did anyways, he wasn't working at  J.C. Pennys as a stock person. I didn't believe her and got really angry thinking my mom didn't like my husband and why was she picking on him for?

So she switched gears, said it was her mistake and that she had the best idea, how about she took me and Don out for lunch? I was excited and we went over to the Palm Springs Mall going into Pennys to where the layaway dept. was and asked for my husband. Needless to say, he wasn't there and when I showed the man a picture of him he remembered Don had gone in one day and that was it.

I blew a fuse. Mom brought me back home and I waited. When that door opened I was right there, drew back and slapped the crap out of him yelling and cussing how could you lie to me like that? He tried to get out of it but I called mom, she came back to get me where I stayed for a few days to cool off. When he came to see me I forgave him once again and left with him

Now as you have read a man doesn't have to hit you but messing with your mind is a whole lot crueler. Maybe I was extra sensitive to lying for I was very blunt and didn't lie as a rule. Not to mention I was trying to make the best out of a rebound situation...until next Memory Monday take care of yourself.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Love Yourself


In surfing the other day I came across what I can call a follow-up to one of my last posts; What Would You Do touching on a subject I'm well versed in.

This is for anyone and everyone as a reminder; don't forget who you are:


  • I am not to blame for being beaten and abused.
  • I am not the cause of another's violent behavior.
  • I do not like it or want it.
  • I do not have to take it.
  • I am an important human being.
  • I am a worthwhile woman.
  • I deserve to be treated with respect.
  • I do have power over my own life.
  • I can use my power to take good care of myself.
  • I can decide for myself what is best for me.
  • I can make changes in my life if I want to.
  • I am not alone. I can ask others to help me.
  • I am worth working for and changing for.
  • I deserve to make my own life safe and happy.

Sunday, January 3, 2016

What Would You Do...


What would you do if you knew that someone very close to you was getting hurt emotionally, physically and mentally living hundreds of miles away from you? That endless worry. The helplessness. The hope that it will all turn out for the better.

I have been through this myself. So I know both sides of the fence. The pain of the one you love hurting you, how could they do this to you, you ask yourself. The promise of never doing it again. The 'Honey Moon' stage where the, in this case, man, is on his best behavior for a few weeks even months  only to start all over again.

The embarrassment, you don't want anyone to know, it's too embarrassing, the excuses, 'he was drunk' 'he was in a bad mood' 'it's my fault', 'I shouldn't have made him mad'. 'But I love him'.

Believe me, you can love again.

I am in a healthy relationship now but it took me forever, I was darn near my 50's to be in one. I used to drink like a fish. My friends were all drinkers, the parties were never-ending. So, of course, that circle of friends became my world. The men I would choose thought nothing of hitting, pushing, stealing, even spending days away only to come back all sheepish and sorry with their bag of empty apologies.

You want to leave. The thought of being 'single' and alone scares and makes you unbelievably sad crying at the thought of it. Uprooting your life is always scary and unpredictable. You tell yourself I can change him I will just love him more. You have a tender loving heart, I can change him.

I learned through groups for abused women several things. Top of the list was if they hit, shove, choke, lay their hands on you for any reason is totally unacceptable. A man is bigger, stronger, and he should walk away. When a couple chooses to get drunk together there's another excuse. 'He was drunk', 'I was drunk', and the famous, 'I will never drink again'. A couple of days go by and it's how bout one drink, then it's two, here we go again.

I have been there up close and personal. I have been pushed to the point of blacking out, severely hurting someone to the point I could have ended up in prison. I had no idea who I was. I had finally had enough and as I call it, went solo for 2 years give or take before meeting my husband. I still drank, he didn't. As time went by I slowly lost interest in drinking to where I am today. I still like to have a couple here and there but can go months without.

My husband has a saying and with great patience would repeat, "I am not the enemy". I have a pretty thick head and I am very stubborn but it finally started sinking in. We build each other up not try and tear each other to pieces.

A prayer and a song for all the women and in some cases men who will acknowledge their self-worth and break free from any kind of abusive behavior. You are supposed to have each other's backs, not break them.

    Crawling
    Crawling in my skin
    These wounds, they will not heal
    Fear is how I fall
    Confusing what is real
    There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
    Consuming, confusing
    This lack of self control I fear is never ending
    Controlling
    I can't seem
    To find myself again
    My walls are closing in
    (Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced
    That there's just too much pressure to take)
    I've felt this way before
    So insecure
    Crawling in my skin
    These wounds, they will not heal
    Fear is how I fall
    Confusing what is real
    Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
    Distracting, reacting
    Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
    It's haunting how I can't seem
    To find myself again
    My walls are closing in
    (Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced
    That there's…

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Drama Drives Me Nutty



I've been binge-watching Arrow for a couple of weeks now and I find myself snorting at the screen muttering, yeah right. This is what drama does to you which means it's a good show when it gets your goat.

There are three seasons of Arrow on Netflix. The subject that got me was about family members telling lies.
But the truth is so important.
But I'm doing it for you.
Tell me the truth.
Now I'm mad.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

I have no idea if it's better to let the people who are closest to you not know a thing then steal away one of my family members and torture them. Oh wait, that's just T.V. I think I would rather know why someone is torturing me. But that's just me.

But the show got me thinking about my own life where I learned to tell the truth. Oh sure it may back-fired once in a while ~opps~ but in the long run at least in the raising of my children I'm considered a 'straight shooter' which I consider high praise coming from them.

Now little white lies are a whole different T.V. show.

What drama shows do you watch? I love stories so do tell.